Five reasons to stay in church
Aiden, Oct 16, 07:03 PM
This column is for all those people who feel trapped in church. I recognize that worship services, which are one of the foundations of our Christian life together, simply don’t work for everyone.
I hear complaints about fluffy songs, outdated hymns, exclusive language, narrow theology, judgmental messages, too much fashion consciousness, sheer boredom or simply being indoors on a free morning.
Some people leave, but others stay in spite of their gripes, usually for family reasons. One young man I chatted with a couple weeks ago felt stuck going to church because he wanted to give his children an experience similar to his own, even though he has drifted theologically from the group.
Instead of yielding to bitterness, why not find positive reasons to stay, even though you don’t approve of everything? Here are some strategies.
• Anabaptist principles. As Anabaptists, we have a radical theology. We believe that everyone in the gathered community can bring a word of God to the group. We believe in a spiritual unity that allows for a diverse expression of gifts. One of the gifts I like to bring to the church is doubt. I often doubt we’re heading in the right direction. In Anabaptist fashion, I agree to speak, listen and discern together. The voice of dissent may be prophetic or dopey; it takes a group to know.
• Take an interfaith approach. If you can’t abide by some of the core Christian affirmations, then you may wish to consider an interfaith approach. I know this is unorthodox, but look for the God that is present everywhere, in all people and, dare I say, in all faiths, including Christianity and your local church. [Note that the church teaches that Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the world, referencing Acts 4:12: “There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name . . . by which we must be saved.” Ed.] Look for glimpses of wonder, love, grace and compassion, you’ll find them.
• How we express our beliefs. God talk takes many expressions. In my case, I no longer use conservative evangelical language to describe God. But it’s only the labels that have changed, God hasn’t. This means I can “worship” with more traditional believers. But I don’t use the word “worship” to describe the activity, I prefer to see it as a time when we “participate in the divine.” The difference in language helps me, and may help you.
• Social circles. It’s important to have friends with similar social ethics, especially if they are outside of the mainstream (like pursuing downward economic mobility, for example). In my view, the communal rapport trumps most theological gripes. Furthermore, commitment to a group, especially if you are bugged by some things about people in the group, can be a witness to the power of unconditional love.
• Sabbath. Like most people, I work and think too much. Sunday morning can be a fast from a constant concern for productivity. If I let go of my need for agreement on everything that happens in church, I can sit and rest in the sermon, I can sing and be moved by the chorus of voices, regardless of the song. The sanctuary really is a refuge from the hecklers and hucksters in workaday consumer society. It is non-productive space. For me, it can be a deliberate time set aside to meet God in the present moment, but only if I can let go of the need to have everything my way.
Aiden Enns is publisher of Geez magazine and can be reached at aiden[at]geezmagazine.org. He is a member of Hope Mennonite Church in Winnipeg and sits on the board of Canadian Mennonite magazine, where this article first appeared.
Comment
Questions? Comments? editor@geezmagazine.org
I have this hunch that God says to me, “Monte, why do you have to have things perfect all the time? Why can’t you just stay where you are and be like Jesus? What if I want people to be in the midst of things? How else can change come?
Thanks!
— Monte · Oct 24, 12:54 AM · #
“Instead of yielding to bitterness…?” Is that really why people are leaving the organized church? “Why not find positive reasons to stay…?” Again, the assumption is that the reader must be negative, and leaving would compound that. How about considering the positive reasons to leave? George Barna, in his book Revolution, writes that people are not attending church in buildings because they (well, many such people) think it’s hindering their journey with Jesus. I grew up going to church, but I’m not doing that now (nor am I going to house church or fitting into another pigeon hole). But my faith is strong, along with my passion for the Kingdom of God now (and later). I continue to pursue Jesus and community with others on the way.
— Andy · Oct 24, 10:24 AM · #
I found your last point (Sabbath) interesting, since this was one of the reasons I LEFT church. Sundays can be anything but restful for someone who is pressured to be involved almost every aspect of church life.
Growing up as the daughter of a church planter, there has never been time to “sit and rest.” Sadly, it wasn’t until I started skipping church to stay home that I finally found rest.
— Vanessa · Oct 28, 10:23 PM · #
Amazing, I also “participate in the divine”. A lot of times woship can’t be called worship, I tend to call “worship time” the “singing time”. I lead the tech crew so Sundays are hectic, so it’s extremely rare that I get to join in with everyone else. But I know I can join in with God anytime.
— Rachel · Nov 3, 06:12 AM · #
Nice to see. I’m starting to see value in subscribing to a set of beliefs, in spite of my own doubts or even beliefs to the contrary, for the good of the other. A friend has help me come to terms with this as of late. The involvement with church becomes an extension of that acceptance. Still theoretical in my life, or too much. A good argument for converting to Catholicism.
— Kyle · Nov 25, 03:29 AM · #
Since when was “doubt” ever a gift? (not in my Bible) Didn’t Jesus rebuke Thomas for that? Also, the God that is present in “all faiths”?? Church of Satan, Wica, Islam, New Age, etc… come on man, the only way He’s present in “all faiths” is the same way he’s “present” everywhere (i.e. his omnipresense). It’s really quite sad that you would even suggest going down the interfaith road. Sure, let people go where a religion makes them “feel” good – who cares if it conflicts with what Jesus said and desires. That kind of “god” can be found where every one wants – oh yeah, the Bible calls that “idolatry”
— Sean · Dec 1, 12:36 AM · #
Not sure I understand what “positive leaving” looks like. And just where and how is it that you find “community with others on the way”? Is there an “Unchurch Jesus Followers” chapter in your town? I haven’t found one in mine.
— wordsmith · Dec 5, 01:49 AM · #
Expectations. I’ve considered leaving church (not God) completely for various reasons until I examined what my reasons were for leaving. What are you expecting from church or the people in your church? Does your church (people) expect too much from you or do you expect too much from your church (people)? Maybe it’s time for a big ‘ol fat piece of humble pie…Hey Flo, over here, at table 3!
— Shar · Dec 8, 08:32 PM · #
thanks for the bit about unconditional love, and the bit about Sabbath. Actually, thanks for all of it.
— joyce · Dec 11, 12:42 AM · #
I think there is not enough time spent thinking about why it is people are actually leaving. Many people are leaving not so that they can sit around on a sunday morning watching cartoons or living a solitary christian life. Many are simply leaving because our churches do not look like the Biblical church any longer. Isn’t the concept of “church” simply the name for a gathering of Christians? People are leaving the churches that feel more like the airport or the mall or an uncomfortable high school reunion scenario in search of the Biblical church: the church of community, the gathering of people who know each others name, who say more than “welcome to church” when they gather together. This need for community, this pull towards the “real” meaning of church is seen with the establishment of “small groups” or “home churches” by most mega churches today, and that’s great, but until you can truly bring 1000+ people into real Christian community with each other, I’m not convinced that our ideas of “church” are Biblical or worth participating in…
— Natalie Boustead · Dec 28, 02:44 PM · #
Good article. There’s lots of reasons to leave church, but they all come down to what I think I deserve to feel or hear or be in church. Whether we realize it or not we gave up all those rights when we said yes to God. If we haven’t moved past that point in our relationship with God, we’ve got lots to ponder before our Lord. Wakeboarding in summer, snowboarding in winter, golf in summer, are all about what I want, not about what God wants for me. Church is about what God is doing for me if I come with the right attitude. Church is about me being accountable to the part of Christianity that requires me to listen, worship and obey my Creator.
— Barry · Jan 12, 03:42 AM · #
When I lived in Winnipeg we went to a very good church – with military chaplins. Most in the congregation were retired military folks. After worship we all went to the annex and gathered for tea or coffee, and sometimes something to eat. This gave us a chance to talk about the service, ourselves, whatever. It strengthened our faith as much as the service did. It really was an extention to the organized service that allowed inclusive interaction. Rather than simply walking out until next Sunday, our faith and love for other was strengthened. This may seem strange for some, but we were building a social group of Christians.
— Bill Sproul · Jan 13, 02:02 PM · #
I actually agree with this article and I would encourage you to stay at church and change it! One day there will be gay and lesbian pastors and one day there will be christian community but only if you build it! That is what we are told to do: Build the Kingdom of God!
— Gallup Peace · Jan 17, 05:09 AM · #
I think “church” here needs to reference traditional models of doing church, in which case, we SHOULD question the health of the institution and our involvement in propagating the system. However, if we’re using “church” to mean a /the community of Christ followers, than there is no leaving… no biblical means of leaving, anyway. My two-cents.
— Aaron · Jan 24, 02:42 PM · #
The editor’s insertion in your “interfaith” paragraph is a truly telling sentence. That wee little reminder is exactly what’s pushing many people out of organized religion. Aiden is expressing the main spiritual theme of this age: unity. The editor, however, is reinforcing the divisiveness that has characterized the last many centuries of Christian worship. Let go of the judgement (“I’m right, you’re deluded”) and you might find that beauty, joy, and God’s love are meant for everyone, not just those who can quote scripture.
— Kathryn Livingston · Jan 24, 06:09 PM · #
There is no God. And the likelyhood that the things the Bible “says” Jesus said is getting smaller and smaller now that science is getting it’s fair shake in the debate.
there are social morals, granted, but this Kingdom of God you speak of, c’mon, open your eyes.
And don’t give me the line right back.
When you are ready, it will come to you so you can get on with your life.
No God, no spirits, no angels, just us, here and now. 1,000 hands clasped in prayer do nothng compared to two hands working for change.
Change the world.
If the religous people spent as much reading real books as they do small grouping about the Bible, then the society might not be stuck on Bronze Age logic and reasoning.
— Keith · Jan 28, 10:49 PM · #
This article was helpful. Thank you.
— Karl Sokol · Feb 2, 03:42 PM · #
My observations related to attendance at a local church is that most of the people that leave, do so because they have continually come to the meeting to recieve. Sooner or later they are full and the reason to come back evaporates. They may go to another church for a while until the pattern asserts itself again.If you come to give, you will not only be refilled (according to the bible) but the experience of being a co-laborer with Jesus will be exhilerating.Try it, you might like it.
— Ian mcKerracher · Feb 11, 11:23 PM · #
As long as rock shows, I mean worship services, exist to whip me into an emotional frenzy and then send me out into a world that is just like what they project, I ain’t interested.
— Joel Spencer · Feb 15, 12:20 AM · #
i just wanted to comment on the interfaith part. I don’t think that the artical is suggesting that every person is a god, and to see that, however each faith has a slice of scripture it has simply been twisted. So by looking into different things and by observing life we can indeed see wonder, love grace and compassion. Some times it helps to see things at a different angle
— Laura · Feb 16, 01:06 AM · #
I agree wholeheartedly with Andy and Natalie. I left church (something many of my friends have done) because attending church became toxic to my faith. It’s disappointing but not unexpected that people presume to understand others’ reasons for leaving church (e.g. Ian’s and Barry’s comments), rather than simply asking those of us who’ve left. For me, for now, my faith is stronger and more sound outside the four walls of church.
— Ann · Feb 28, 06:28 PM · #
This is referring to a post above. God and Jesus are both present in Islam, just so you know. We do have differences, but same God. Muslims believe that Jesus was a prophet and not the Son of God. They believe in the virgin birth but not the Resurrection. just fyi
— laura · Mar 1, 03:00 AM · #
Leaving the buildings that man instituted and call church does not in anyway, shape or form mean that you are leaving the Church. We are the Kingdom that Christ is building up. The point above about staying at church and changing it is why the institutional church is toxic. If Christ was the head there would be no reason to change it, would there? Jesus Christ becomes our Sabbath rest when we follow Him by faith.
The institutional church inhibits and confines people. Jesus came to set the captives free, not confine them to the Law in a different kind of box.
— Rod · Mar 4, 09:25 PM · #
A number of years ago, my wife and I stopped going to church. We found that it was no longer possible to worship where we had been for years, but we couldn’t settle on an alternative that felt right. In the course of our non-attendance (which lasted for a number of years) we discovered how much more sabbath-like Sundays are without the pressure of getting up and going to church. But we did both miss worshiping together with other believers. Recently we have started to attend mass at our neighborhood Catholic Church on Saturday afternoons (not every Saturday, but once or twice a month). We are both lifelong Protestants, but we have found the mass, with its deemphasis on the sermon and greater emphasis on liturgy, in which everyone participates, to be a refreshing change. I have to admit that I also like the traditionalism and structure of the mass, as opposed to the formlessness of much of Protestant worship.
— Eric · Mar 16, 01:56 AM · #
Aiden, I appreciate your attempt to encourage imagination and foster a dialogue between those that have perhaps prematurely written off the local expression of God’s Body (the church) with those of us still fully committed to its necessity and mission.
While I’m not sure how your Anabaptist principles (“let the church be the church?”) fit in with your “interfaith” suggestion, I love the tone of this article and the heart that shines through it. Thanks for the good read!
— Michael Cline · Apr 11, 02:17 AM · #
I completely believe in the anabaptist principles that everyone has a piece of Jesus’s character to teach us in some way, and that leads me to the fact that all our unrest in the church is derived from a lack of true community – realizing the church as a body of people, not a place or meeting. Maybe we need to change things in every church by choosing to use this time on sundays to build community and create a more open place to learn about God together.
— Camille · Apr 13, 10:10 PM · #
Hebrews 10:25
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. *************************
— Andy · Apr 16, 04:52 AM · #