Issue 10: Sermons you'd never hear in church

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Winners of Geez sermon contest

by Geez staff

It was tough judging the winners of our first-ever sermon contest. We had many great sermons that would have and should have been heard in church. But we were looking for superior sermons that would not be heard in church, which is why we chose what we did.


Geez 10 cover, see summary here.

FIRST PLACE
A sermon where none is needed by Leslie Barnwell
Dear Navita: It’s been a while since I was here in your neighbourhood. That was way back when I drew your face for my fear-in-fragment art project. Anyway, today I’m sharing a meal with . . . (Continued here ).

SECOND PLACE:
A pattern sermon by Bonnie Loewen
It matters how I pull back the sheet in the morning, whether I slide my hand over the night’s warmth of Mark’s back. It matters how I look at him, or don’t when he hands me my morning coffee. (Continued here ).

THIRD PLACE
The lawn-sign sermon by Duncon Nicholls
What is the purpose of a church lawn sign? Here’s what I’ve come up with: 1. to advertise upcoming events; 2. to create employment for those who design and build signs; 3. to display how pithy and clever the minister is . . . ; 4. to lecture and berate the unfaithful . . ; 5. to somehow motivate the passerby to come in and check out what’s shaking. (Continued here ).

HONORABLE MENTIONS
The detoxification sermon by Stephen T. Berg
Excerpt: Genuine worship is a detoxification process. It’s about releasing our fascination with who’s in and who’s out. It’s about letting go of our obsessive competitiveness that reduces us to shadows of each other. It’s about escaping the grip of this acquisitive fascination with one another in order to truly encounter and be open to one another.

repress, address: the holy revolution by Lindsay Bradford-Ewart
Excerpt:
thank you
I’ll decide if I’m hailed or I’m nailed,
defined by entrails,
kept in a “god-is-in-the-kitchen-too” type-a j/ail.
sold out for _______. no doubt for _______.
because yours is not a revolution, I’m _____ to say,
it’s a deevolution,
salute (shun) brigade.

Thanks to all who entered. We’ve already begun scheming for the topic of next year’s sermon. Suggestions are welcome.

[From Geez 10, Summer 2008. Subscription info here. ]

Comment

  1. As for your first place sermon writer, I think its a shame that you believe that agnostics should write our sermons for us. And yes, I think I know all the possible replies to that. The thing, though, is to help people rediscover the power of Christ’s salvation; to inspire people to do what is right instead of just tell them to do what is right; that is Christianity, not some vague call to something like open-ended “dialogue.” At very best that only creates friendship and friendship is not bad ! Do not misunderstand me ! But friendship is no answer and isn’t Christianity all about the Living Answer ?
    Not just another opinion? Not just another call to talk ? One can trust in any social worker for that. I’m tired of this subtle self-righteousness that implies that Christians are sinful for believing they have the answer.

    — Breck · Jun 23, 04:07 PM · #

  2. If you know agnostics, atheists, humanists, and those of other religions, and I mean really know them as people, and the love and knowledge and generosity many of them possess, then you perhaps can see the value of listening to their words and walking in their lives, and you will find Jesus there more fully and truly than in any sermon about him.

    — Jonathan · Jun 30, 05:31 PM · #

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